Aim High

Amar para viver 01-04

Q&A

What does it mean?

 Love to live

Why the numbers?

 The numbers 01-04 stands for every year from 2001 till 2004, taken in loving memory of the in total five family members my family lost during these four years. 

Why on the neck/back?

 Because the tattoo itself is a reminder of my past, what's behind me, and the weight that I'll always carry on my shoulders, but also of all the loving, beautiful and wonderful people I have watching my back, dead or alive.

Why did I take it?

 First of all I want to correct the name I've been using for this tattoo. I've been calling it a memorial tattoo, but it isn't. It's a memory tattoo. It's positive and negative, but most of all supportive and a reminder. As mentioned the numbers symbolises the time frame where my family lost five family members, but in 2001 and 2004 in particular I lost the two most important ones to me and I've been in the category 'orphan' ever since. Following autumn 2011 with the 10th memory year of my father, it's been a rough path. Simply for so many reasons. And I'm not expecting the next years to become any easier, being the 10th memory years of other family members and the time where I actually have to look seriously at my future and choose my paths onwards. I'm going into adulthood now, but this time not just without my parents but without my family as I've moved far away.

The tattoo is also standing for something very important to me. There's a reason it's not 'I love life' but 'Love to live'. I don't love life. Not in that sense anyway. Life is cruel; it screws you over more than people do. It offers you good moments and happiness just to take it away whenever. Introduces people then make them leave. And the most cruel fact, no matter how good our life is, no matter how right it gets, we're all going to die at the end of it. Wow, blackness alert..!  

On the other hand there's nothing I love more or find more important to do than love to live. To be alive. Because in between and at the end of the heartache, sorrows and disappointments, we're experiencing, learning, achieving, loving, laughing, smiling and breathing and that easily matters more than all the negative with life, it makes it worth it. Every heartache leads us on to something better, every friendship gone wrong leads us on to the real ones, and every choice that we make or don't make takes us in the direction we're going to end up at. Live, don't regret, make the most of it and live every dream & chances fully to be able to look back and think: I've really been lucky with my life. That's what my tattoo is a reminder of. 

So my tattoo is a reminder, but it is also a support. It's a support when I'm scared or lonely. It supports me by reminding me that no matter who I lose or what goes wrong, I've been strong enough to keep going and I got no intention to stop that. And I'm gonna keep going, even when scared to take a chance or flying in cheer like I have been lately because of a couple ugly falls I had from pyramids and onto my back. My dad ended up in a wheelchair and I saw what that did to him. I've been struggling, not with physical pain but literally being terrified of falling again and ruining my back. But it's ok and I'll deal with it, it's ok to be scared, as long as it doesn't stop me from living. Love to live, that's all you can do. 

Finally, why in Portuguese? 

There was this beautiful hot presummer day before our easter vacation. I spent it with my Portuguese bestfriend Ana. She's one of the most amazing creatures I know of. A machine when it comes to living the dream, loving and caring, always make the effort to know people and have their backs no matter what. This day tho we spent on the beach, eventually with more mates as well, but all day together. We went everywhere this day, laughed and joked around, then went partying at the end of the night. Didn't answer to anyone or time. We were truly living this day and it was the first time I felt alive, perfectly happy and full of excitement for life since end of July 2011.

Living the dream

So in reminder of this day and my bestfriend which I shared it with, I chose to have the text in portuguese. There is a second reason though. When I finish my education (so far scheduled for 2014) I will travel to Brazil for a couple of months to help out volunteering in orphanages. This is just the start of something I've always known I would focus on in my life: to do something for other orphans out there. It might be a joke at times, but in the end life is all we got and I want to keep trying to make it a good one for as many as I can. 

Okay so it's that time of the year

Money is flying out of the window as we update our wardrobes with new sets of clothes, a new haircut, etc. All is done in fighting the evilness of a cold winter and welcoming back a warm and exciting summer full of possibilities. Some girls might feel like this

Possibly because of this

but many feel like this

because in a month or two they're all expected to dress their body with their new two set fabrics and look like this

...I'm not gonna admit that is my goal poster. I'm not gonna admit that was my expression when I found out I'd gone down 2kg since last time at home. But I am gonna admit that I'm gonna post my new Training Routine so that everyone who knows it can force me to do it. How can you force me? I'll reveal that at the end. Stay toned!....<- see what I did there?

Mondays:
Ladies gym - 5-7 pm - (jogg up and down the hill on the way)

Tuesdays: 
Cheerleading - 10am-12pm
Gym - 12-1 pm

Wednesdays:
Cheerleading - 9-11 am & 4-5(6) pm

Thursdays:
Cheerleading -  11am - 1pm
Pilates - 1 - 2pm

Fridays:

(oh holy) muscle break day

Saturdays&Sundays:

Jogging up Constitution hill, Zumba workout, gym or Swimming (or all) - dependent on weather & day schedule

Mark:

Alchohol Intakes are to be left at minimum (I can hear roaring laughter) and penalty will not be given if day is occupied by work, exams/essay deadline or sickness. Penalty will be given and witnessed by Flatmate Trine Mari Naas Olsen, and it will come in the form of.....drumroll please.....

Salad as the meal of the day (I hear oooh's and aah's)

Now I'm going to leave my geekiest non-geek article and wish you good luck with your own training routine, see you all sexy beasts on the beach :))

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

- Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris in 'we found love'

It's a cold and hard world

with few stars shining

it's lessons to be learned

everytime I keep falling

achievements get forgotten

but in the end it doesn't matter

that mistakes are remembered

'cause I'll just try harder

Chin high, flying high

I got people to shoot me down

I got people that I love

but this path is my own

I tried so hard

 kids has to fall

watched by two stars

the daughter rises tall

I miss you with all I got

but I always keep strong

and push with all I can

got one life and it's gonna be long

I won't run away

I'm right here for the game

heading for the finish line

carrying my name

Bring it against me

I'll smile proudly then,

'cause it's inevitable

that phoenixes rises again

Fly High, Aim High, Be Tall!

After being torn in two between countries, witnessing a terror-summer in my fatherland, my late dad's 10th memorial year, boys trouble (gag - take frying pan - facepalm), and not to mention the very hard affected butter crisis (jokes) - I'd safely say I'm done with 2011. It's been a very emotional year (at least the last half), mostly not in a good way though I'm not gonna deny it had its cheeky moments of happiness once in a while. BUT, enough whining; what this article is all about is my new year's resolution. 

In opposite to the past years I'm not gonna come up with a list of resolutions - I only got one. Second day into the new year I spent in front of the fireplace, writing down negative thoughts and things in my life from the past year (basically everything that'd make me gloomy and sad faced). Then I threw them on the fire, staked on a stick.

2012 shall for me be a year of happiness, positive thoughts, laughter and a healthy attitude. Now I'm well aware of throwing a bunch of notes on the fire won't create any hokus pokus and I'll automatically get a Botox smile. But it's a start. The nice lunch meeting and trip to the cinema after with a good friend was a start. And saying sorry, here and now, for anything I've done wrong or anyone I've let doing wrong against me is also a start. 
I believe that few people are thoroughly bad, and that those who does wrong does so because of self-preservation, wants and a momentarily incapability to consider others' point of views/feelings. I believe that counts for most, me included. So I'll regret my mistakes instead of excusing them and go on. Humans fail. Same counts for everyone and everything I felt hurt or attacked by. I'm just moving on from it, happy in the belief things happened because of some reasons I'm ignorant of and not because I might have a dartboard on my back. heeh.

So this year: positive attitude. I'm gonna concentrate on what matters for me...

Cheerleading

Writing

New Zealand, summer 2012

and the best of

friendships <3

Take out your colouring pencils and blank papers people, it's a new year!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

While you all lovelies in Wales and England opened your presents this morning, me and my family along with the rest of Norway opened ours  yesterday. A foreigner fact from across the pond is that we celebrate on the 24th with all the traditions that belongs. Church for some, the traditional films on tv for others, food, some dessert, and then presents, presents, and presents with some laughter on top.  

On little Christmas eve I had trouble finding my old Christmas sock so I went for a cheeky old sock instead. Don't think Santa minded as when I woke up it was just to grab it and eat candy to the traditional Christmas films on tv, 'Tre nøtter til Askepott' and 'Reisen til Julestjernen'. 

This year we took up an old tradition we haven't been doing since my little cousins were small. But now we got my niece and nephew in the right age so now it was time to go in a bunch and see if the barn-santa was still coming to ours for Christmas (A very Norwegian tradition).  

and then everyone went home to change the christmas sweaters into dresses and suits. When people returned from Church it was time for a lovely Christmas dinner and...

Presents!

Now really I find myself these last Christmases that I don't care that much for the presents (of course I love getting some, it's always exciting) but it's more fun to see my family's faces when they open theirs from me. I think I did a good job this year as well as last year - win! 

Not everything is easy during Christmas, and especially not this year. Me and my niece is also namesisters, which makes the present-opening quite eventful but laughable. Only this year it become pointed out and realized that the reason we always know 'To Christina, from Mom and dad' is for her is because there's only one of us this is possible for. My brother patted my head and I smiled. Smiled because I was in a room with people I loved, even tho I for the first time really needed two more people to be there. 

When I went to bed I kept thinking, thinking that I don't have one Christmas memory with any of my parents. Not one besides from my first years which was taped. Then I kept thinking of everyone that don't get to have their loved ones on Christmas, and especially of the families of the victims of 22nd of July. Then I asked for peace and a good Christmas for them all and fell asleep. 

Sometimes things happens and you can't explain it. I don't know if it was too much thinking, or because I wanted it so bad, but on this Christmas night I had a dream of my dad, and that we hugged and cried together. The memory of it still had me crying after I woke up this morning. If it was happy or sad tears I cannot say: I still wanted to hug him, but I was so glad to had felt him close for once after all these years. I believe it was a little of both kinds of tears - but I was glad. 

And so this became a very special Christmas for me. And I hope it was/is a good Christmas for all of you too <3

And maybe be a bit more excited than this one, hah!

He could hear small sounds of water drops sinking into the surface as he slowed down his pace by the bathroom door. After a deep breath he opened it with a firm hand and entered. She had already soaked herself into the bathtub, her upper body resting against the frame. She looked back at him with an anxious expression, her chest barely rising by exhaustion.
'What are you doing?' he asked as he hurried over and took the hand she reached out for him.
'I thought this might calm her.' She breathed out and folded her free arm around her naked body, 'Did you call them?'
'Yes, they'll be here soon. Do yo - '
'Good. There's not much time left. She's trying to break out.' Tiredly she closed her eyes.
He studied her expression and worn-out features. 'Don't you think you'll manage to keep her in?'
'She's far too strong. Are you regretting the decision?'
'No. I mean... I don't want to lose you.'
'Don't go back on the decision, promise me? I'm so sorry for the hard time this has put you through.' Her body quickly shifted and her eyes grew with worry.
'I promise,' he whispered, 'It's alright.' She closed her eyes. A moment of silence.
'John?'
'Yes?'
'I'm scared.' Her voice quivered.'Don't be, look around you. You got candles and aromas to calm you down. You're safe.'
'I'm scared John. I don't want to go. Call and cancel.'
He raised one eyebrow.
'It'll be alright, we have to do this.' He said shortly.
'I don't want to go John. Don't let them take me. I don't like the clothes there.'
'It will be alright, they'll bring you back to me.'
'You think so John... Do you think I'll come back?' She looked at him, her eyes turning glossy and red. He studied her face and tucked a wet lock of hair behind her ear.
'You have to.' He said firmly.
'Will you love me even when she's gone?'
'I only love you. You're the sweetest, kindest, gentlest... and I only love y-' He choked on his words. Immediately he hid his face against his arm, letting the tears come unnoticed.
'Please... don't let them take me John.' She whispered desperately. He let out a muffled sob. His back was shaking.
'You have to go...'
'But why John? Why!?' Her voice grew annoyed and louder, steadier. He looked up and let go of her hand.
The doorbell chimed.
'John..!' Her eyes grew wide and her hands gripped the edge of the bathtub; the water rippled by her quick movement.
'I'll be right back love - we have to do this. It will be ok.' He stood up and quickly backed out of the room.
'John!'
Her shout repeated itself in his mind as he hurried to the door and opened it. Two policemen and a nurse stormed in.
'Where is she?'
'Bathroom.' John breathed out and they left him. Screams. Yells. The police's voices shouted calming instructions. She screamed after him. On instinct he ran to her aid, but the sight stopped him in the doorway. She was standing in the bathtub, the water moving in waves like blades around her. Her expressions were wild and almost animated, vicious and enraged. The nurse was helplessly trying to shield her with a towel, for whose sake he wasn't sure.
'John! Don't let them do this, John! Don't let them do this to us!'
'I'm not,' he mumbled, 'I'm letting them do this to you.'
Her eyes narrowed and she stopped for an instant staring at him, then her lips curled. In this moment of peace the policemen managed to grab her and take her out and down on the floor where they locked her in a white jacket. The incapability to move had her realise what had happened. She spat out in fury, cursed them all and did her best not to stand on her own two feet when they tried to move her out. But they were stronger and the two men carried her out between them.
'You'll never see her again, John, I'll keep her within me!'
A realization; He ran after.
'Wait!'
'Sir, we need to get her to the ordered destination.'
'I know, I just need to say...to say goodbye.' He begged. They stopped. The two policemen exchanged glances, but his eyes were set on her.
 'Please, let me say goodbye.' He said directly to her. She stared back at him, a twisted grin painted on her lips.
'I want to say goodbye...because I love her and I know she'll come back to me.' His jaws strengthened as he bit his teeth together. Her grin twitched, and it was almost as if her eyes softened for a second - long enough for her eyes to turn glossy. Then the cackle erupted and the policemen shook their heads, escorting her out.
'It will be OK, she'll come back. She'll get good treatment with us.' The nurse reassured him, but her eyes were all out of hope. He looked after them as they brought her away from their home. In that moment he knew that he didn't want her to return even though he knew he would never stop hoping that she would. In that moment he truly felt how it was to be torn in two. 

This is from a seminar assignment I had in Creative writing a month ago or something. Sorry the layout is so shit, but this webthing and my word-document just didn't agree. Copyrighted and written by me, 

In relation to my past article about doing the right thing I just want to mention one little thing that came to my mind today. At a point of the day there was a video circulating among my friends on my newsfeed on facebook. I'll recommand you all to push all "I'm all that" thoughts out of your heads and actually read the words of this little boy very carefully. 

My following words isn't as much directed to people my age (cause we should be old enough to already know this) but people more on this boy's age. 

You're all to enter a phase where it feels like you can either be the one bullying, or be the one being bullied. But if that's what you believe then you forget that you actually can be the person inbetween. As you become older you'll learn that there is nothing great about being a bully. There's no respect. There's no fear. There's no idolizing. The people that are being respected and liked are the ones that can seperate what's wrong and what's right. It's the ones that don't bully but accept everyone and anyone for who and how they are. 

Save yourself some regrets for the future. Stand up for people like this kid, who gets bullied and looked down on. It is not right that anyone should experience that. It is not right that anyone should grow up struggling through life and hating it because someone else is insecure about themselves. Because that's what bullying really is: big children that hasn't grown up and needs to push others down to their level because they can't walk tall enough themselves. 

To those out there being bullied there's not much I can think of saying at the moment which I bet you haven't already heard. I just want to say I hope your luck will turn soon; I hope either you or some fantastic person will stand up for you/yourself - not because you should, but because you can. You are better than these people. Take care and always, always remember it isn't you there is something wrong with. It is them. 

Photo//Google
"Blogging people AGAINST bullying"

For me half of the joy of Christmas is the days before... The countdowns, the Christmas decorations coming up and the first tastes of the delicious Christmas treats. It's my favourite part of the year (besides summer when I can go faceplanting into a water somewhere). So much love for Christmas <3

Last year was a bit strange, being in a new country while all the traditions were back home. Needless to say I was very very homesick. I haven't felt much of that so far tho, a little bit, but not too much. It might be because we were more prepared this year. Me and my flatmate bought in all the Norwegian Christmas food we would need, got ourself a christmas tree, calenders and the norwegian televisioned advent calendars on dvd. We're celebrating christmas in our own perfect little style now and I couldn't have felt more Christmassy.

1st of December was celebrarted by decorating the house and attending the Winter Snow Ball for charity. It was a wonderful day, even tho I got stuck by the chocolate fountain at the end of the night.... yuuum.... (A)

2nd of December we arranged a little Christmas get-together. We were decorating the tree, playing traditional Christsmas music, watching lovely Christmas films and eating food like "Risengrøt", Norwegian Waffles with "Brunost" and jam, gingerbred-snowmen and drinking norwegian "julebrus". It was such a fabulouse Christmassy day. oh the pleasure of arranging Christmas in your own appartment, in your own way <3 

Photos taken by Me and Ina B. S. M. 

And everyday for the rest of the weekend, me and Trine have woken up to watch ONE episode of "Blåfjell" on dvd every morning - keeping to the rules <3 

HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE & A MERRY CHRISTMAS

Moulin Rouge taught us that "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return". 

- well I'm not gonna deny that it's quite a nice lesson in so many ways, but there's no point in loving another if you don't love yourself. It is in my personal opinion that you'll hardly be capable to fully learn that lesson if you haven't learned the ones regarding yourself. 

Not too long ago I wrote an article about confidence, how it's important to fight for it (because there'll always be people trying to take it away from you) and in the end be able to be your own judge. I still believe that to be one of life's greatest lessons, got no doubt on the matter, but I also want to mention another one. Egoism and arrogance is nothing new to anyone I'll bet. The world are full of people who acts after their own wishes, goals, lust and amusement. I'm not an angel on the matter, I believe very few are and they're probably not aware of it because they're too naive and giving (it's not a bad thing; it's a sad thing because there's nothing but goodness in those people and people take advantage). One can't blame people for being egoistic either - we're responsible for our own lives and one can't argue that everyone deserves to do what makes them happy. But we can narrow our eyes on those that intentionally uses and stamps on other people for their own amusement and status. One example I want to bring up is from a night where I was walking along the seafront to have some fresh air and clear my mind. As I walked out on the pier, a drunk boy with a girl under each arm shouted "You're not gonna kill yourself are you?" at me. All three of them walked of in laughter. 
Needless to say I was disgusted. Very very disgusted. I know so many (depressed) people having hard times and depression itself that I thanked the sky that it hadn't actually been a suicidal person meeting this trio. I wouldn't be surprised if that person had jumped. I really wouldn't. In that moment me myself lost quite alot of belief in people, how would then a person too far down feel?

Another example I wanna bring up is from a night out this weekend (I know, many night outs, but I do believe that's when people's usually show their true colors). There'd been some fights and there were two unconscious boys laying in the entrance of the club. One of them had his mouth filled with blood and the police was trying their best to figure out what happened. I didn't see it, I wish I had so I could have helped. Maybe that wish was why I got annoyed when a guy was boasting next to me to his mates that he had seen it all. I told him to go tell the police. He said he wouldn't. I baffled asked him why. He wasn't a snitch (obviously he must have been one of those watching when people was being put in the toilets as kids). I questioned his IQ. He called me a lesbian and a bitch. It was quite a lovely conversation really. So mature. I called him a gay and a dick after that. Yeah I know, I didn't do any better.  In all fairness after enough hassle from me he went to the police and told them what he'd seen. 

I still don't get what the problem was with doing that in the first place tho. Thanks to witnesses, the police are capable to save time and solve cases which actually means something for the offended (families). When people can be so arrogant and so cowardly as in these examples, in the age we're in now, there's absolutely no wonder we got big bullies running wars over our planet. Facebook got my religion saved as "humanity". I don't believe in figures from religions swooping down over our earth and making it all better. I believe that we ourselves are responsible in shaping our lives, futures and world by the choices we make and the attitude we have when making the choices. The boy and his crew might still think of me as a bitch, but I'd rather them think that of me than myself thinking myself for being a coward and not standing up for what was right. As long as you do that, it's not too bad that you don't think of global warming or polution, because at least you've tried to do something. The lesson is that one single action won't matter much in the bigger picture, but it will matter for you as a person and affect the ones around you. And that's when it makes a difference.